There Are No Adults in the Room
When we are children, our parents are the authority. They’re in charge. They know how the world works. They solve our problems.
Then we grow up and learn our parents are fallible. So we unconsciously seek to replace that authority - bosses, government, institutions. We want to believe someone is in charge, someone knows how the world works, someone will solve our problems.
But there are no adults in the room.
There’s a certain realization that successful people have. It’s summed up nicely in this quote from Steve Jobs:
“Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it… once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.”
I was always confused watching people blindly follow bad advice or work for an incompetent boss. Why choose something objectively bad? Because they’d rather feel safe with someone else in control than face the open freedom of making their own decisions - and the terrifying responsibility that comes with it.
This is why I love startups and entrepreneurs. If I had to pick one defining characteristic of the best founders I’ve met: they act like adults. They’ve deeply internalized the idea of ultimate responsibility.
“When you’re a little kid and you’re asked to do something hard, you can cry and say “I can’t do it” and the adults will probably let you off… whereas adults, by definition, are not allowed to flake.” - Paul Graham, founder of Y Combinator
The worst founders complain, abdicate responsibility, blame their team, look to the board as a “boss” who will tell them what to do. Complaining signals that someone hasn’t accepted ultimate responsibility. It reveals a belief that someone else should fix things. (I’m not talking about venting as emotional release - that’s different and healthy.)
Thought experiment: imagine someone you know who consistently complains about everything wrong in their life. Would you trust that person with your finances, your family, your wellbeing?
Once you take responsibility for your own life, you can keep growing by taking responsibility for the lives of others. Your family. Your employees. Your community. Maybe the whole world. You have the opportunity and privilege of becoming the adult in the room.